Ramblings

12:37pm: I haven't written in Livejournal since New Years' last year, and I'm not going to make any promises that this will change.  But I do intend to maintain this tradition of the yearly review as much as possible, since it's been a sacred tradition so long.

For reference, the 2009, 2008, 2007, 2006, 2005, 2004, and 2003 ones are linked... to last year's 2010 review, which is here!

1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?
The biggest one is that I got engaged and started planning a wedding!  I also visited the Caribbean and did the relaxing-island-vacation thing, which was nice but possibly not really my thing.  I also hired a full-timer for the first time.  And my apartment's roof fell in.

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? 
In short, I did NOT really keep last year's resolutions, at least not consistently.  I will probably make some this year, however, with the best of intentions.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? 
Actually, still no.  But I still have baby fever.

4. Did anyone close to you die? 
"Macdonald," aka Peg Macdonald, who was like another grandmother to me, died at the age of (!!) 104.  

5. What countries did you visit? 
Dominican Republic was the only non-US destination this year.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
For the first time in my life, I can't think of something immediately.  I've been blessed to have, at 27 / 28 years old, an amazing year.  But if I think more deeply, I'd say "healthy eating and exercise habits on a consistent basis."

7. What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory?
March 9th, which was when Ben proposed!  

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Creating a successful curriculum plan for our after school elementary literacy all-boys program, to be used all over the city of New York, was a huge deal for me.  

9. What was your biggest failure?
I've failed to keep any resolutions, all of which were good goals.   

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? 
Nothing major, though I did have walking pneumonia last spring.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
I didn't make any huge purchases this year... Ben did (my amazing sapphire and diamond ring), and others did (see: the ipad I got for Christmas), but... not sure on my part.  My wedding dress?

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Ben's treated me amazingly, a few friends have gone through great personal changes (Eric comes to mind), and my family and friends are all fantastic, but there's no "one" that stands out.

13. Whose behavior made you feel disappointed?
A lot of people, politically speaking.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Rent, flights, and fooooood.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about in 2011?  
Great moments at my work, our Dominican vacation, and of course, getting engaged and married!

16. What song will always remind you of 2011?
"Where I'm Going" by Cut Copy.  And although it was not created any time recently, anything by the band Chicago.  

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: 
i. happier or sadder? I know I was happy last year, but I can't possibly have been this happy. 
ii. thinner or fatter? The same, most likely, though I went through stages of being both.
iii. richer or poorer? Richer... at least in terms of salary and bank account.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Writing and enjoying music.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Being scared of death (in a really general sense) 

20. How did you spend Christmas?
I spent it half in Maine (Ben came here for Christmas eve and morning) and half in Massachusetts (much of Christmas day and all of that night in Ben's hometown).  It was my first Christmas fully shared with him, and it was lovely.

22. Did you fall in love in 2011?
I was already deeply in love, but it seems stronger all the time.  I feel so cliche (so much that I rarely talk about my own happiness with anyone), but it's true.

23. How many one-night stands?
none

24. What was your favorite TV program to watch in 2011?
Downton Abbey, Once Upon a Time, Game of Thrones... and Glee is still a guilty pleasure along with old episodes of Coupling.  This year included a resurgence of my interest in TV. 

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No

26. What was the best book you read?
I adored "The Thousand Autumns of Jacob de Zoet"... though I read a lot I liked this year.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I would say my greatest discovery was the rediscovery of various acts from other decades, which means that I have been a bit out of it again as far as new acts.  Not that I've missed it entirely.  I have just found myself comparatively uninterested with the music coming out these days.

28. What did you want and get?
A good new apartment when my ceiling fell in our old place... I "got" engaged to Ben and all the cool weddingy things that have gone along with that... I helped my friend Steph get hired by the Boys' Club... and I got a full-time assistant/coordinator.  

29. What did you want and not get?
A baby.  But I didn't want it in a practical way, haha, just a hormonal one.  I'm actually intending to wait until I've been married a while.

30. What was your favorite film of this year? 
Huh.  I saw a lot of movies this year, but not one stands out as anything phenomenal.  I did love the final Harry Potter installment, though, and balled my eyes out.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 28, and I didn't do very much that was exciting (almost no friends were in the city at the time, and we had just moved).  Ben and I had a great dinner, though, and Jess came down to the city to visit.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I would have loved to have had more energy.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
Business-casual-meets-weekend-sleek

34. What kept you sane?
Ben

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
No one comes to mind.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Anything education related, OWS, and the ridiculous republicans running for president.

37. Who did you miss?
Everyone in Maine, of course.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
My little BCNY boys, and the new coordinator / assistant in my department working with me, Angie.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010: 
It really is possible to love your job and enjoy going to work every day.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: "This is that fresh, that fresh feeling."

10:02pm: Resolutions
1) I will keep myself healthy, through exercise and a good diet (which doesn't merely consist of avoiding bad foods, but also in seeking out good ones.)
2) I will write more, in whatever capacity.
3) I will pay attention to the world of music again. 

4:05am: Annual Year-End Review!
I won't really have time just before New Year's, given that I'll be leaving for India on New Year's Eve (!!) so I thought I'd get this in a few days early...

For reference, the 2008, 2007, 2006, 2005, 2004, and 2003 ones are linked... it amuses me that in the first of these years, 2003, the first "new thing" I had done was eat Indian food.  This year, on New Year's Eve, I leave for India... what appropriate bookends.

1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before? Moved to New York City.  Enrolled full-time in grad school.  Moved in with craigslist roommates.  Hosted a Nantais friends reunion.  Was a bridesmaid (Em!).  Had a flu shot.  

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I will make more, but perhaps a few days late, once I'm back from India.  =)  I did not do most of my resolutions from last year with anything like full commitment; I am sorry to say.  I stopped exercising regularly when I moved to New York - because working out at NYU isn't feasible schedule-wise, and I can't afford a Brooklyn gym.  I did continue writing my novel, over the summer, but I haven't been able to while I have been a student, and I definitely didn't finish it by fall.  I have invested myself deeply in my grad program, so that one's down.  Back when I was teaching, I was not any more efficient with grading than I had been before.  And I definitely, definitely, do not eat out less than before - I can't do it in a New York lifestyle!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Kelley!  Baby Owen was born in mid-November, and he's adorable.

4. Did anyone close to you die? No.

5. What countries did you visit? I went to Quebec with Jenna in June, which was wonderful.  And I won't land in India 'til it's technically a new year, so... I suppose that's the extent of my 2009 foreign travels. =)

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009? Last year I said "comfortable living," which didn't exactly happen.  I think I meant it as financial and physical comfort, which I haven't had to any real extent, as comfortable as I have been in a more ontological way.

7. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory? Obama's inauguration.  And July 8, the day I moved to Brooklyn.    

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Seeing my students make (on the whole) huge growth was amazing.  Getting in to all four graduate schools and having my pick of them was tremendous, too.  And then, I feel like my very transition into my life has been achievement of its own.  

9. What was your biggest failure? I failed to save as much money as I would have liked... viva New York.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I had a terrible flu last spring that landed me in the hospital, but since then, I have been really lucky.  *Crosses fingers for India*

11. What was the best thing you bought? My flights, variously to Maine, Chicago, India?  My grad school education?  Take your pick.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Ben's.  He's been a truly amazing boyfriend, the likes of which I've never known before.  

13. Whose behavior made you feel disappointed? I've been disappointed in a friend or two's occasional bouts of incommunication since I've moved to NY, but nothing grave. =)

14. Where did most of your money go? Bills, travel, and FOOD. 

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about in 2009? My students' success.  Getting into grad school.  Moving to New York. My program.  And INDIA.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008? Girl Talk (the DJ) in general.  Counting Crows' "Baby I'm a Big Star" and the other songs on Eric's mix.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Happier, whole tons happier.
ii. thinner or fatter? Probably the same weight-wise, but the gym stoppage led to the revenge of the love handles...
iii. richer or poorer? Considering I'm living in debt, poorer.  But I am living a more comfortable day-to-day life fiscally.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Writing, again, at least since summer.  And learning Spanish

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Grading, again, heh.  And silly procrastination games on facebook.

20. How did you spend Christmas? In Portland, though it has yet to happen.  I did celebrate an early Christmas with Ben on Saturday night, with a fancy-shmancy date in an amazing restaurant, gift exchange, and cuddling in the snow. 

22. Did you fall in love in 2009? I already was...=)

23. How many one-night stands? None.  I'm a taken girl. =D

24. What was your favorite TV program to watch in 2007? Lost, though it was a while ago.  

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? no.

26. What was the best book you read? Possibly Beloved by Toni Morrison, though the novels I read by Forster were also superb.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? Girl Talk or MGMT or many many many many more. 

28. What did you want and get? An amazing life in New York, grad school awesomeness, proximity to my boyfriend.

29. What did you want and not get? Enough money from scholarship/aid to get through grad school debt-free.

30. What was your favorite film of this year? Up in the Air edges out the others, I think.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 26.  Ben treated me to a great dinner at a great restaurant.  And then I went out with a bunch of friends in Portland.   

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Very little.  It's been a wonderful one.  But maybe finishing that novel?

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009? New York chic, with boots and a focus on the accessories.

34. What kept you sane? Daily emails to Ben, phone calls to family, my laptop, and my friends.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? none to speak of per se.

36. What political issue stirred you the most? Education!

37. Who did you miss? For the first half of the year, Ben.  For the last half of the year, everyone in Maine.  It was most acute in my missing my nieces and nephew, who change so much between times that I see them.

38. Who was the best new person you met? lovely NYU friends...several great ones.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009: Proof is in the pudding.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: "This will be our year; Took a long time to come." (The Zombies)

5:43pm: 9 years. And although it's 50 degrees in New York, I feel like we've just had first snow.

4:19pm: India
India
India
India

(Can you tell I'm excited?!)

It's booked, of course, and now we're just refining the itinerary -while- we're there. Looks like this, maybe:

Friday 1/1 - Arrive and sleep
Saturday 1/2 - Delhi/explore/shopping/etc
Sunday 1/3 - Delhi/explore/shopping/etc
Monday 1/4 - Agra (Taj Mahal) day trip
Tuesday 1/5 - Varanasi (Hindu temples etc.)
Wednesday 1/6 thru
Saturday 1/9 - Fly to Darjeeling and that region; see wildlife (tigers and elephants?), Himalayas (maybe Everest from a distance), Buddhist monasteries, tea fields, etc.
Sunday 1/10 - Relax in Delhi; fly home that night.

SO pumped.

4:43pm: India
This just in: I am going to India!  On January 31st, Ben and I leave NY, and we arrive on New Years Day in Delhi!   Then, 9 days of awesomeness will ensue.  We're staying with BJ and Dana (BJ's a friend from Bates, Ben's best friend) in Delhi, as our base of operations, but meandering wherever seems awesomest.

So excited in so many ways! 

8:13pm: My novel progresses...
Although I began it over a year ago, I have finally spent some time this summer resuming my novel.  I admit that I am one of those writers who still undergoes phases of inspiration and ennui, but I am easily addicted once I have found a point of inspiration.  That's happened again the last few days.  I am finally progressing.  In fact, I have planned out the rest of my novel (a considerable feat, given that I rarely plan my writing that far in advance), which is making it even easier to continue, knowing where I am going next.  

I'm not double spacing my novel yet (that's only useful for the editing phase, really), so when I say that I'm to 50 pages so far, it's kind of a big deal (it's about 17,500 words - about a quarter of a typical novel).  I can't remember being so excited to write anything, including the novel that I wrote back in college.   That was something I needed to write, for personal reasons - it was, in some ways, although it was fictional, the story of my own identity as a teenager.  This is not personal, per se - but it's real and timely.  I love my heroine, though she isn't me by any stretch.  The setting is dystopic, which is a genre of fiction that I've liked for a while and with which I feel affinity.  It borrows from literary giants, but mostly self-consciously - part of the strangeness of the world in the novel is the bizarre reverence the society feels for literary figures of the past.  

Anyhow, I feel like this novel might be one that I could *gasp* try to do something about.  Reading B's novels and seeing him go through some of the stages of the process, as well as two other friends, I don't really get excited about that aspect - selling myself and the like.  But I do feel like what I'm writing has merit, deserves to be read, and offers something to the literary world.  It might even be marketable: I'm calling it either "Oil and Water" or, if that title is considered "already taken" by a non-fiction book, "Oil is Thicker."  It's set at the point when the world's oil is just drying up, assuming we as a society have been unable to find an adequate replacement.  

The entire novel is not about the need to find alternative energy sources, however, though that hovers over it.  It also deals with finding a happy-medium level of socialism - so that our world will not be run by a power-happy bureaucracy, but neither will it fail to support its neediest.  I really don't think it will get didactic with these points though, either.  Mostly, it is the study of the experiences of a rather exceptional girl.  Some of her defining characteristics sound borderline autistic, and her ego is overwhelming, she naturally developed a polyphasic sleep pattern, and she finds herself playing double-agent to the split factions of society.  I've never had so much fun writing in a voice before.  She's kind of irascible, in a good way.   And then, framing her first person narrative, there are chapters and footnotes written in the voice of a character who does not reveal herself until the book is nearly over.

Anyhow, I'm having fun writing it... so much fun I can hardly devote my energies to a longer LJ entry!

12:10am: Hipsters
Ah, New York: you made me think of a poem I wrote criticizing hipsters (and, perhaps, the bit of myself that was hipster-tending at the time; I'm less so now).  When walking in Williamsburg, perhaps, or waxing a bit too philosophical, myself, over German craft beers, it's good to remember a few of these lines.



A Hipster Over California Wine

(by Diana Gauvin, circa 2006)

Let’s not dilute this California wine

With our Euro-centric snobbery.

It lilts across our tongues like Irish music;

Its color is smooth as Venetian glass

 

We must stop dwelling in the past.

French and German appellations

Have dulled and paled into art nouveau,

Like Appalachians to Rockies;

The sharpness has splendor.

 

And let’s remove the gender;

That’s for dying languages and overpopulation.

Civilizations are either elderly or adolescent;

If you yearn toward youth,

Leaning like an old man on his cane,

You are stuck in middle age.

 

No cage can hold us firm as we’d like;

We slip as simply as wine in a throat.

We strip and speak and emulate antiques

Or else juveniles.

 

Before you smile,

Remember first  - we are on scene

Where the only thing that can demean our savoir faire

Is an obvious self-consciousness of style. 

10:45pm: Popular Mechanics (A short story)
 Today in my writing group I drafted this short story.  The assignment was to write something that includes the following five words, randomly chosen by pointing fingers into a thesaurus: Classify, See, Immigrate, Profligate, Accommodate.  If you would like to read the unedited version of the first entire short story I've written in years, please click. =)


( Popular Mechanics )

3:03pm: "Jacob have I loved, but Esau have I hated." [Lost, duh]
Feuding brothers riddle the Bible, but the Jacob and Esau story always stuck with me. I think it may be due to a childhood favorite book by Katherine Paterson, eponymous with the title of this entry: Jacob Have I Loved.  Because the speaker of the quotation above was God, it has always seemed especially haunting, in particular because the Bible, is vague and symbolic about what made Jacob so preferred over his [very slightly elder] twin.  Nevertheless, Jacob deceives his father on his deathbed - a father who always preferred Esau - to bestow all his inheritance on him.  Esau is, I imagine, both angry and bereft.
( This really is related to Lost. Spoilers contained herein...] )

11:49pm: Lost
I won't get into spoilers (I know there are a few west-coast Losties on my friends list). But...

loophole, mm?

9:53pm: Book meme
Fifteen books you've read that will always stick with you. First fifteen you can recall in no more than 15 minutes.

1. The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Kundera
2. The Brothers Karamazov by Dostoevsky
3. Anne of the Island by L.M. Montgomery (most anything by her)
4. A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle (anything by her)
5. Someday Angeline by Louis Sachar
6. Hamlet by Shakespeare (I know it's a play, but I first read it before I saw it)
7. Little Women by Louisa May Alcott
8. Le Peau de Chagrin by Henri de Balzac
9. Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
10. His Dark Materials by Phillip Pullman
11. Love in the Time of Cholera by G.G. Marquez
12. Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood
13. Night by Elie Wiesel
14. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
15. Book of Fables by W.S. Merwin

1:36pm: Swine Flu
Haha.

http://doihaveswineflu.org/

10:06am: Specter, Snowe, Blue Dogs and Bullshit
Just for the record--

Arlen Specter (now D-PA) switched parties; lovely. Just what we need is another Blue Dog democrat pulling the dems toward the center and taking up seats in the committees that could go to liberals. Specter has always been a moderate, and I admit that while I welcome anybody's decision to jump off the sinking ship that is the Republican Party, I wish he had just chosen to be an independent. Then he could continue to be what he always has been without polluting the Democrat ranks. Why did he switch? He switched because he was poised to lose to a right-wing extremist in the Republican primary in Pennsylvania, while Pennsylvania's centrist Democrats will likely support him for the novelty of the "D" next to his name.

Senator Olympia Snowe (R-ME), on the other hand, does not merely lack a similar impetus: she has all the election factors persuading her NOT to leave the ranks of the Republicans. Maine is divided into rough thirds: one third democrats (increasingly liberal-leaning), one third independents (splintering, but a majority leaning left on key issues), and one third old-fashioned Republicans. And this latter group is not Bible Belt conservatives, but those who remember Reagan fondly and take pride in the (elder) Bush resort on the coast of Kennebunk. In Maine, the Republicans and independents vote eagerly for Snowe, because she "puts Maine first" very demonstratively and because she represents the old Maine ideals of a cantankerous - and female - voice in the legislature. A few Democrats fall into voting for her because she's a strong voice for our small state and because they don't find too much to quibble about, given that she's for reproductive rights, aligns with environmental liberals, and wasn't a big fan of GW Bush. Dems, on the other hand, expect their candidate to be increasingly liberal, and I have a hard time seeing Snowe making it through the primaries for that party. She'd lose in favor of even someone as weak as a Tom Allen, whom Collins defeated handily in last year's general election.

In other words, Snowe's switching would be just short of political suicide, unless she suddenly starts changing her stances and demonstrating these changes before 2012. As a Republican, she can retain a position of major power in Washington, being courted by both sides and able to throw impetuous votes in any direction at whim. No: she won't switch parties, I don't think. I can see scenarios in which she would choose to become an independent who caucuses with the Democrats: for example, if the criticism comes in too harsh for Specter and she's pushed by principles to relinquish her allegiance. This possibility I will monitor closely, but I'm not holding my breath.

For similar reasons, incidentally, Susan Collins is even less likely to switch parties: she is less popular than her senior colleague, given her obnoxious Bangor accent, in line to be elected any time she cares to run as a Republican, and LESS liberal-leaning.

And anyway - I speak this as a new convert to the Democratic party, formerly a proud independent liberal who hated the Democratic pandering to the centrists - I don't even think her switching parties would be especially good for the Democratic Party. In another 30 years, we'll likely be laughing at the hard-right Republicans' attempt to keep up with the two major parties, comprised of what are now the liberal Democrats and the Blue Dogs. And no, our country is not becoming increasingly liberal. It's not even becoming increasingly splintered. What it's becoming is increasingly reflective of modernity - Generations X and Y who were raised believing as near-facts what used to be considered contestable principles. In thirty years, believing in equal rights for the GLBTQ community will not be a "liberal" stance - it will be an obvious tenet confirmed by science and history. In thirty years, the liberals won't fight against the conservatives to put money in Education instead of National Security because we will realize that education IS national security. And in this world, the things we argue about will be the kinds of things that keep the Blue Dogs distinct within the Democratic party, and we will have a new two-party system - with a few fringe Republicans south of the Mason-Dixon, of course.

In short, Snowe isn't switching any time soon, and as far as I'm concerned, that is, to quote Maine's slogan, "the way life should be."

10:06am: Regency dreamboat man.

Regency Hero Dress Up Doll by *savivi on deviantART

An LJ friend posted her Regency dream man, and I had to check out the link.... it's rather fun.

I definitely have a bit of a love for the Bronte- and Austen-era novels, so it was interesting to imagine myself the belle of a ball and picture the Perfect Man who might walk into the room.

I forgot to cut and paste my own perfect man, but he definitely is my [Regency-era] type: decently dressed, with a bit of the rogue, without looking like a dandy. He has unkempt hair that one could put one's fingers through, but it's not overly long. He has a sharp expression on his face, seemingly intelligent.

And yes, he's wearing glasses. S'pose I'm predictable enough.

11:36pm: My Generation - a poem.
We are the latest generation, the latest bead
to slide off the broken string of the ages, one seed.
This our chronology is all the laud we can muster
for our share of the human diaspora, a diaphanous cluster
of souls.

We have no lord; we have fashioned instead
The graven images of our own selves, unsatisfied
With our own deity, we can not settle on a divine self.
Instead we fashion and fictionalize a faith
In brass humanity and its holy laity.

We are not deconstructionists; most of us
Have never read Derrida.  If we have been broken,
We are worshipping the cracks.
Blessed are the broken, for they shall be prayed for.
Blessed are we, for we cannot tell the differance.

When you see a child walk blithely, tell her:
Go to the full compass of your world, call it here,
And shape it like yourself.  Pray to it.  Beg to it.
One day, it will try to sell you something,
And you want the seller to be god.

This, it is a jealous god,
Matter surfeiting on spirit and fat, like men at a buffet.
If you devote yourself uncarefully,
You will one day miss the self
You could not bear to believe in.

1:03am: Negative
He spilled out of his eyes irresponsibly,
Split the table in half with his asymptote slice
And twice exuded his negative space
To seep between my atoms, homing like anthrax.
And he, like human Rorsach blots
Spread into my consciousness
And cancelled all my
Fractious comments.  And nature abhorred
The matter between us,
Deleting it all
Like a careful surgeon.
I advised him cease; he called me a hypocrite. 
I said hypocrites
Give the best advice.

O hypocrite lecteur
Connoting meaning out of black on white
Engravures that tattoo across the space
And suggest an order, a world
With no square root of negative one:
You have never met him;
you don't know.

We aren't math people,
We assemble false formulas
To impose a brazen clarity
On the arhythmic genesis
Of our universes.  These verses
Are equally vain, constructed
in equal and opposite pain. 

8:33pm: 4/4 Ain't Bad
 After asking harassing Columbia today, I found out that I got into Teachers College too! Now I'm officially in to all four of my grad schools, and I'm a lucky, lucky girl.  Obviously, I will only be able to attend one, so now I will let the games begin. . . ie, start begging for money...

5:28pm: 5 Topics
Respond to this post and I'll give you a list of 5 topics I associate with you.  Respond to these topics in your own livejournal and pass on the prompt.  Mine respond to Ariane, who amended the prompt to be more question-y.  

1) Writing. Do you have professional writing aspirations? Do you plan to try to get published? What kind of writing do you most want to pursue?    

I do kind of have professional aspirations in writing, though not as my full-time job.  I am currently most interested in novels, though I know my most natural strength is in poetry.  I will potentially consider trying to publish the novel I'm currently writing if I ever have time to finish it. =)

2) France. Do you miss France? Do you have plans to return? Do you ever get to use your French?

I do miss France, terribly at times.  Most specifically, I miss speaking French, the food, and the kind of freedom my life had when I was living over there.  It was an absolutely unique experience.  While I hope to return, I'm not sure I can afford it in the near future, but one never knows.  At the moment, I only practice my French during my reunions with my best friends from study abroad and in my infrequent tutoring situations.

3)  Teacher Costume. Did you ever have a crush on a teacher? (or more?) If teachers aren't your fantasy, do you have a particular profession fetish?

Hah.  I remember the Halloween costume of which you speak.  I didn't really have any crushes on teachers - in fact, I laughed at my friends who did.  In part I blame this on not having any really young male teachers, because I was never one to have crushes on men much older than I was.  I don't have a particular professional fetish, no, though I definitely go for guys who put an art form (music, visual art, writing) at the forefront of their lives.

4) His Dark Materials. If you were to write a sequel about Lyra and Will, what would be their fate? Would they ever meet again? If no, what would they do?

My sympathies definitely go toward their meeting again, maybe in a new crisis that demands their aid.  I imagine them being older, different, and almost unaccustomed to each other.  I imagine that they would become reacquainted in a more difficult, postlapsarian way - the "experience" answer to the Blakian innocence in the trilogy.  

5) Bates. Do you ever miss Bates? Have you ever come back to visit? Was it weird? Do you plan to visit in the future?

Sometimes I miss Bates/"College," but mostly I just miss certain aspects or people and have a hard time thinking of it collectively as an era.  I have come back to visit several times (given that I work the next city over now and that I had close friends there until last June) and it seems weird, though it was weirdest most recently after graduation.  Now I feel my presence is more legitimized by my obvious alumna status, less pretentious of currently attending.  And yes, once I hear from grad schools, I'm going to visit again - to share the news with some profs who provided me some excellent references.

11:32pm: A thought on technology
 You know, I was the girl who rolled her eyes at the brother glued to A.I.M. in high school, who refused to join Match.com even when her friends were all meeting men that way, who glorifies person-to-person interaction.  But I'm also the girl who has had a computer her entire life, who manages to date a boyfriend for over a year at a very long distance, who recently decided that I would not be myself if I were not able to access the technology I take for granted.  

Case in point: my dating life.  I don't meet strangers online and date them, but the internet, cell phones and other technology have enabled me to propel acquaintance, friendship or even pen-pally-ness into "normal" dating.  If I just take stock of what pieces of technology have been truly essential to the forming or the perpetuating of my involvements, I find some shocking statistics.  Of my involvements,

1 required a non-facebook social networking site
3 required livejournal
4 required text-messaging 
4 required email
4 required facebook
5 required cell phone talking (not merely phone talking)
and a whopping 11 required AOL Instant Messaging.

I'm not talking about casual conversations through these means - I'm saying that if these things weren't in existence, then a total of 13 men (almost every guy I've really dated) may not have been in my life.  Strange, strange.  And of course, human beings adapt and evolve.  I would just go about the whole "dating" thing differently if these methods were not even options.  But sometimes I do need a moment like this to remind me that I AM, in fact, a product of this modern age - whether or not that's how I consider myself.

6:25pm: For you.
The first five people to respond to this post will get something made by me! My choice. For you.

This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:
- What I create will be just for you.
- I make no guarantees that you will like what I make!
- You will receive your item before the end of the year (or sooner).
- You will have no clue what the item is going to be. It could be a photograph. It could be a piece of handmade jewellery or a piece of writing. I may draw, paint, collage or crochet something. Who knows? Not you, that's for sure! 
- I reserve the right to do something extremely strange.

The catch? Oh, the catch is that you have to repost this meme and make and send out five surprises of your own. 

12:59am: New Years Resolutions, 2009
1) Continue to exercise at least 3 times a week
2) Resume writing my novel and finish it by fall
3) Invest myself deeply in whichever graduate program I pursue (well, assuming that one of them works out)
4) Eat out less than this year - no more than one dinner and one "quick meal" a week.
5) Grade more immediately and with better focus

11:10am: It's come around again!
 - Put your music player on shuffle.
- Post a lyric from the first 25 songs that play. No skipping songs!
- Tag your friends so they can guess which lyrics come from which songs.
- Strike each lyric out when someone guesses it correctly, and label who guessed it.

1) "I don't know what else to say, but I think you get it..."
2) "Slow it down some, and have some space..." (well done girlspacemonkey  - Ben Folds Five, "Song for the Dumped")
3) "Elephant gray skies, and it's cold outside..."
4) "You come home and your stuff's out on the lawn..."
5) "I make lists in my sleep baby - what's my sin?"(good job yuenmei  - Rent's "Take Me or Leave Me")
6) "Now I'm back and not ashamed to cry..."
7) "I liked the John Singer Sargents"
8) "If I'm doing my job, it's your resolve that breaks." (Yuenmei got "Hook" by Blues Traveler)
9) "When I was down, you just stood there grinning."(girlspacemonkey got "Positively 4th Street" [Bob Dylan])
10) "The boy in the bright blue jeans jumped up on the stage." (girlspacemonkey got the artist, David Bowie, but not the track)
11) "Feeling instead of being - the more that I live..."
12) "But does he LIKE me like me, like I like him?"("Mix Tape" from Avenue Q - Yuenmei)
13) "And I'm blinded by the neon; don't try and change my tune..."
14) "it went to my head, where I really need it."
15) "I've had enough of breakdowns and diagrams..."
16) "Suddenly everything changed; they're spreading blankets on the beach..." (Yuenmei got "First Day of My Life" by Bright Eyes)
17) "We only want the real mccoy!"(girlspacemonkey got "Father Christmas" by the Kinks)
18) "Everybody cares and wears the sheep's clothes while they chaperone." (Yuenmei got "Extraordinary Machine" by Fiona Apple)
19) "And these children that you spit on..." (Yes, Yuenmei, it's Bowie's "Changes")
20) "Birds singing a song; old paint is peeling..." ("Fresh Feeling" by the Eels - girlspacemonkey)
21) "I met the highest lama - his accent sounded fine to me, to me."(Yes, it's "Oxford Comma" by Vampire Weekend [girlspacemonkey])
22) "And they kick you in the head - and send you back to bed..."
23) "Which of us is dreaming, and who will wake up screaming?"
24) "Mary was a friend, I'd say, 'til one summer day..."
25) "Don't make me live for my Friday nights, drinking eight pints..."

8:16pm: Annual Year-End Review
A few days earlier this year, I proffer one of my favorite traditions, now the sixth year running. My old responses are housed online also: 2007, 2006, 2005, 2004, and 2003. 

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
Toured the west coast.  Completed a year of teaching.  Rented a car.    Moved into an apartment with someone with whom I was already good friends.  Donated to a political campaign.

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Well, let's see.  I did not cut my debt significantly as I'd hoped, though I did work for summer as I'd resolved.  I've only cut it marginally, which is a bummer.  Vive la bad economy.  As for worrying, well, I don't know if I'll ever eliminate that, but I did cut it down significantly except in the worst of cases.  As for exercise, I actually EXCEEDED my goal after years of not even meeting it.  I've joined a gym and work out 3-4 days a week; that's a big thing for me.  And while I don't write three times a week, I have done more writing off and on than I had the previous year - I've slowly been working on a novel, after all.  Although I didn't take any grad courses, I AM in the process of applying to grad school for next year, so that counts - right?  As for creating things - I guess it happened to some extent, though less than I was hoping.
     Not a terrible track record, though this year could use some improving.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Not this year...

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No one to whom I was close, but definitely a few people close to my family members and friends.

5. What countries did you visit?
I only visited the USA, but I feel pretty good about that.  I finally got to tour the west coast, something for which I'd waited a long time.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
Last year I said "time to breathe," which only happened over the summer -blast!  Now I suppose it will be "comfortable living."

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory?
New Years Day, cuddling before I left New York.   Ah yes, and then November 4th, election day.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I think there are a few.  Maintaining a long-distance relationship for an entire year has to be up there, heh.  Completing my first full year of teaching, also.  Applying to graduate school at long last.  

9. What was your biggest failure?
It's not really failure, but I feel like I was not as good of a teacher as I'd like to be last year.  I am only getting better as time goes by, though, so that's marvelous.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Yes... sadly, I couldn't have two years in a row of tranquillity.  While the first half of the year was remarkably good, the last half included some strange things.  I sprained my ankle in late August, and the injury hasn't really gone away.  I had a tumor scare that wound up being benign but required surgery.  And I had shingles, oddly enough.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My tickets out west. =)

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My littlest niece Gracelyn, who, despite a tumultuous domestic life, remains cheerful and adorable.

13. Whose behavior made you feel disappointed?
Hint: someone related to me.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Bills.  After that, it's probably travel (to NY many times, MA a few times, RI, WA, OR, CA...).

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about in 2008?
My vacations, which usually involved visiting Ben.  My west coast trip, too.  My novel - still unfinished, but at least it's started.  My students being awesome this year.  And a brand new president Obama that inspires hope in me for a fantastic future.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Huh.  Well, while Sara Bareilles "Love Song" was the overplayed pop favorite and Mika's "Grace Kelly" was an early favorite, I think "N.Y. Song" and its combination of awesomeness and prenostalgic power takes the cake.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Happier, I think, if a bit more stressed.
ii. thinner or fatter? Pretty similar, but definitely healthier.
iii. richer or poorer? Very slightly poorer.  I made more money due to tutoring and my summer jobs, but it seems like I also have more steady expenses.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Writing, again, though I have had streaks of doing much more of it.  Reading is also something I have started to cut in favor of more "necessary" immediate tasks.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
GRADING.  But I  would love for someone to tell me how that might be possible.
 
20. How did you spend Christmas?
I will be spending it in Portland later this week, with the usual family traditions.  

22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
I don't really get into details about the complexities of my emotions in my public LJ entries, but I have had a boyfriend for the entire year, so that's something!

23. How many one-night stands?
Nada.  I've been bizarrely monogamous, and it's been rather nice, actually.

24. What was your favorite TV program to watch in 2007?
Lost, though Heroes has redeemed itself.  Actually, the presidential debates would be up there.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
The person that comes to mind is Sarah Palin.

26. What was the best book you read?
I would say Midnight's Children by Salman Rushdie.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
The Modern Skirts.  =)

28. What did you want and get?
An amazing summer with both a job and extensive travel, a great start of a school year, a happy and healthy relationship, a marvelous new apartment with a marvelous new roommate.  Oh yes- and then there was an Obama election.

29. What did you want and not get?
More time and more money.  

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Ooh, not sure.  I liked I'm Not There and Persepolis; Death At a Funeral took the comedy category (easily surpassing Pineapple Express), and Wall-E was the best kids' film I've seen in a long time.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 25; woot.  A week early, I celebrated my birthday in Portland at Flatbread Pizza and a few bars with 10 or 12 local friends.  On my actual birthday, I hung out with Ben in NYC and lived it up city-style.  

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Winding up with money in my account instead of still being in debt...

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Um.  Whatever is decent looking, simple, and clean.  This has not been the year for fashion in my world.

34. What kept you sane?
A few of my friends that were especially great and reliable, daily emails from NYC, and finally figuring out my own goals.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Obama, like woah.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
NPR stirred me up about just about everything.  Certainly, the economic crises have been on my mind.  But I would have to say that the election (both local and presidential) would take the cake.

37. Who did you miss?
A large percentage of my friends, yet again, just due to the diaspora of the people I love.  And then there's Ben who lives inconveniently far away - at least for now.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Gracie, the little niece.  Sure, I technically "MET" her last October when she was born.  But now she actually knows me and calls me "Di-ee-na" in her cute voice.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007:
Sometimes it takes longer to master something than one would like, but it can still happen with the right combination of effort and aptitude.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
"You've got your passions,
you've got your pride
but don't you know that only fools are satisfied? 
Dream on, but don't imagine they'll all come true...."
(Billy Joel)

12:18pm: First Snow --- and an update
First snow fell last night while Steve, Eric and I peered through the windows at the Top of the East, seeing three sides' view of our city in their December splendor. Annually, first snow means a reminiscence of my mother and of the haunting day before she died. Last night, however, this memory was dimmed and warmed in a more pleasant nostalgia. Only today, when the light comes matte from the sky, like a reflection from dull sheet metal, do I feel that pang of cold sadness.

Stranger still, I think, in the reminiscing, is the contrast between the past and the present, which has never been starker. At times like these I am forced to reflect on how far I have come since I was seventeen - how much of me my mother never knew. At seventeen, I was too cold, emotionally, from my mother's suffering to have the usual boy-craziness. At 25, I'm approaching my first ever "anniversary" of having dated one guy exclusively for a year. At seventeen, I was applying to the Breadloaf/New England Young Writer's Conference at Middlebury. This year, I'm finishing my applications to grad schools - including the Breadloaf School of English in Middlebury, VT.

That's right - I'm applying to grad school, which means that for the umpteenth time, I am potentially facing a major life transition. I'm only applying to "reach" schools this time, because if I don't get in to any of the four, I'll probably just save my money and go part time to a state college in whatever city to which I choose to relocate. The big four:

Columbia University, Teacher's College, Ed.M in "Leadership, Policy and Politics."
36 credit-hour program, 1 year plus summers (full time)
New York University, Steinhardt School, M.A. in "Educational Leadership, Policy and Advocacy."
32 credit hours plus internship, 1 year plus summers (full time)
Middlebury College, Breadloaf School of English, M.A. in English, Conc. in "Writing and the Teaching of Writing."
4 summers, full time for 6 weeks each summer
Harvard University(!!), Graduate School of Education, Ed.M. in "Education Policy and Management."
32 credit-hour program, 1 year (full time)

I'm not sure what I'd pick if I could just choose where to go without applying. Two would necessitate a move to New York; one would necessitate a move to Boston; one would leave my school-year living place open but necessitate four summers' commitment. And the programs are different as well - three would be direct work on education policy and one would be an English program specifically for English teachers and profs that would lead to a ton of networking.

I find out about Breadloaf mid-January, NYU probably in February, and the two ivies in March...here comes the waiting game! Though before I can play that game, I still have to scramble to get in all the required materials in time. Recommendations - all agreed to write them; one finished. Basic App - finished. Resume - almost finished. Writing/Personal statement - ...no where near. App fee - erm...

In any case, wish me luck!